Sitting in between two people.

Have you ever tried sitting between two people while they are talking 
and you can't get out of it and you just wanna say 'N*GGA PLEASE?!"

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I have come up with a solution for that.

STEP 1: Get a coin. If you don't have a coin, then just flip out.

STEP 2: Choose either heads/tails on the left/right side person and flip it.

STEP 3: When you have your lucky person, just stare on that person's face.

STARE. THE. FUCK. OUT. OF. THAT. PERSON'S. FACE. 

Selfies

If I take a photo of myself taking a dump
with some poop still hanging around my poophole..

Am I taking a selfie of myself 
or is it my poop commanding my body to take a photo of itself?

I am not quite so sure all of a sudden. 
Is it even Insta-worthy?

Empty Wallets

If wallets could talk,

Oh wait, never mind. I'd rather not let them have the power to talk.
You see, talking would require a mouth. And knowing my wallet,
It would rather bite me in the ass for not feeding it well. 

I thought I was sure that useless pieces of papers were its favorite.