Sitting in between two people.

Have you ever tried sitting between two people while they are talking 
and you can't get out of it and you just wanna say 'N*GGA PLEASE?!"

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I have come up with a solution for that.

STEP 1: Get a coin. If you don't have a coin, then just flip out.

STEP 2: Choose either heads/tails on the left/right side person and flip it.

STEP 3: When you have your lucky person, just stare on that person's face.

STARE. THE. FUCK. OUT. OF. THAT. PERSON'S. FACE. 

Selfies

If I take a photo of myself taking a dump
with some poop still hanging around my poophole..

Am I taking a selfie of myself 
or is it my poop commanding my body to take a photo of itself?

I am not quite so sure all of a sudden. 
Is it even Insta-worthy?

Empty Wallets

If wallets could talk,

Oh wait, never mind. I'd rather not let them have the power to talk.
You see, talking would require a mouth. And knowing my wallet,
It would rather bite me in the ass for not feeding it well. 

I thought I was sure that useless pieces of papers were its favorite.

Wild Honey.

Wild Honey.

500ml.

Ingredients: Wild Honey

Awesome. How come I never saw that coming.

Losing in DotA.

I've heard that the losers in DotA actually end up getting a life.

Blind People.

For the fun of it,
I would like to hand over a kite to a blind person,
and tell him to watch over my pet bird.
I wonder what happens.

The Deal with Hair.

Have you ever wondered why the hair on your legs and armpits 
wont grow as much as the hair on your head? 

If you ask me, I think some pixies or dwarfs come in every night
and cut them when you're asleep. 

The fun part is, they never get caught. 

Water Shortage.

I can spell konstipated with a "k" and I can like it.

nothing beats the exciting feeling of having to poop,

yet there's no water. 

Looking stupid has never been better.

Why?

When you have roommates, 

buying medicine goes unnoticed.

But toilet paper? Food?

Wooh Boy.

Wanted: Massage The rapists.

This was what the sign read when I passed through a construction site.

This is what happens when you go hardcore with the spacebar.

I was surprised I was the only one laughing.

Of course, I knew it means Massage Therapists.